big · Thu Jun 25, 08:01 pm by Bron
that’s what this needs to be. relaxed and real. as in keeping it. I know I could do this, I just suck balls at selling myself. I have no stunning ideas, and almost only 20 days to get one! I’m not sleeping because my mind is frantic, I just don’t want to miss the opportunity. At the very least I will film 2 minutes of mime, just so I can’t regret something I didn’t do..
comfort · Wed Jun 24, 10:12 pm by Bron
“Happiness is not an easy matter. It is difficult to find it in ourselves and impossible to find it anywhere else”
[Chamfort]
So then there is something in me that gets flipped on, something that I manifest when I hear from you. I miss you and that’s a beautiful thing. We’ll be alright.
Idoru · Mon Jun 22, 12:09 am by Bron
[William Gibson]
Finished- though I’ll have to read it again. I’m not sure the hazy images in my head of future-tech nodal points and Walled City are what they’re meant to be.
There is definitely something hauntingly beautiful however about ”...a beach pebbled with crushed fragments of consumer electronics.” No more calcium carbonate exoskeletons, only solder and circuit boards.
I love the attention to the New Buildings. And the sense of unease they stir up in Laney. The surface, softly rippling with minute changes that are difficult to actually define, yet are undoubtedly there.
Mid-double-take, you know you’d rather not know, but can’t fight back the stare.
Demerit point(s) [2]
"Life's Understudy" · Sat May 23, 08:21 pm by Bron
How do you create the life you want when it involves other people? You can’t rely on anything except uncertainty. I have a domestic heart. I shouldn’t allow myself to be watered down.
I talked to Hayley a bit tonight. Got a little choked up, which she was gracious enough not to acknowledge. Something she said her father told her- “Love someone for who they are right now, not for who they once were, or who they might become.” They’ll never be that person again. And the future is always changing. [February 2009]
Revolutionary Road. It’s horrific. Painful to watch. Really well done.
”..For years I thought we’ve shared this secret that we would be wonderful in the world. I don’t know exactly how, but just the possibility kept me hoping. How pathetic is that? So stupid. To put all your hopes in a promise that was never made..”
It was somehow eerie, to see with Steve and Kim. They’ve booked their flights to Queensland, and a removal van. I hope it works well for them there. Dad will take on the business. And family life here will be so different, again.
I’m afraid of our tempers. Ours. Those that belong to us. Those that can hurt us and wear us down. Those directed at us, almost with the intent to do so. [24/06/2008]
I dreamt my father was not the saint I thought he was. Or, that is, not the saint I wanted to believe he was. And he tried to live the lie for me. Only for me. Such an awful realisation. To be an unknown burden. [6/4/2009]
Family can smother us with the best intentions. ”(They) embrace a suspicion that something meaningful could happen if they could collaborate on a meaningful scale, but they find themselves continually stmied by the personalised nature of their goals.” [from Absense – SUM: Forty tales from the afterlives. David Eagleman]
Charmaine · Sat May 16, 01:25 pm by Bron
At the airport in Perth, it’s quiet. The weather is gorgeous, clean air and blue skies. Back at work the next day, I realise I leave for tour to Kal with 3 new staff in 2 days, instead of a week like I’d thought.
This gives me a couple of days to move house. But I’m happy to be busy for now.
Sunday comes and we take graham to the fuel station to fill him up. Then Deadly notices a massive puddle growing underneath. Bending down we see diesel dripping from the tank. The RAC come out but there’s nothing they can do about a hole in the fuel tank. It’s right at the top somewhere near the neck so it’s stopped dripping, but we have almost 600ks to drive.
We line the vehicles up tail to tail and swap everything from graham to gecko back at the garage. After a while you get packing down to a fine art, but it’s still past 10pm when we roll in to Kal.
The first week runs ok. Different group dynamics just take a little getting used to. We see the sights- the ghost town of Gwalia, and Lake Ballard. The Museum. Go out for drinks at a few of the pubs. It’s good to be out of the city. Makes a nice transition from real travel.
The conversation is alright. The distance of stars. The speed of light. The office. Hair extensions and colour, and ahem, Mugabe. I’m glad to have Heidi here. We toss up the case of Matthew Johns. 12 guys, sure. Nineteen, sure. But she was willing. One man can’t take all the shit.
I think of how people have struggled with this lifestyle. The work, the living. And wonder just how many secrets we all have.
I make a birthday call, but I find I can’t talk like I need to. There’s an emptiness I can’t shake off. Deadly tries to calm his paranoid insecure girlfriend, and Nic talks about her boy and how he misses her. I dance my blues away on the weekend, but I’m numb again the next day. Word that Steve is leaving makes me sad. I know he needs to do it, they need it, but I’ll miss him so much.
27. Still I have no idea what I’m doing.
Demerit point(s) [2]
India · Thu Apr 9, 07:08 pm by Bron
I don’t think I’ve ever known thirst like I have in India.
The heat knocks the life out of you, and yet this is one of the most lively countries I’ve been to. There is so much happening all around you, all the time. Old weathered hands and young dirty fingers grip and twist and wring the sights and sounds and tastes and smells out of this place until you’re swimming in it.
And still I don’t know thirst.
Demerit point(s) [1]
on the other side · Sat Mar 28, 11:29 pm by Bron
I love the smell of that German surgical tape.
Bags are packd. (Light). Hair is cut. (Short). And I’ve already started to grow the fetlocks.
Tomorrow I’ll be in India. A place I’ve never really been given the chance to understand. I know this trip willl not open a portal to my mum’s past, but I think, just being there will somehow give me an insight into a world she once knew.
However much it has changed since then.
Demerit point(s) [1]
ever more vintage · Fri Mar 27, 08:56 pm by Bron
There’s not a whole lot of these photos when we’re all together. I’m always the one to smoosh everyone in whenever the chance comes up, which is smetimes met with a few groans but I don’t care. We are getting ever more vintage after all.
a little solitude goes a long way · Wed Mar 25, 08:03 pm by Bron
It’s funny how much you can love a place. A house. Everything about 209 just feels like home.
It’s been a godsend having this week here before I go to India. Working long days and late nights, it makes such a difference to come back to this kind of comfort.
nightmare on any street · Tue Mar 24, 08:37 pm by Bron
It’s rare that I’ll have a nice dream. But the nightmares of late have been psychotic. This morning I woke up paralysed in fear.
Images. There was a red bloody eye gouged out, that when found and stuffed back in the socket would let you see what time a blurry charcter had died. The digits burned into the jelly like an alarm clock, frozen in time. And in learning the time of death, it revealed that this person, (you? your brother or father maybe? a relative) had not died straight away. they had collapsed on the ground and lay there for maybe an hour as you(?) believed them already gone. The realisation that you could have helped in those last moments perhaps is heavy, even if only as a physical comfort to them or to yourself. I don’t even know which character I was in the dream. Was I the one who died, or the one left alone? How the fuck does something like that manifest itself? I am allergic to horror movies.
The brain is a ceaslessly amazing thing.